i don't know exactly how to start this post... i have no idea how I would share the ideas that I have in mind... I am not sure if it will work but I might as well tell my tale...

    For those who have been t-blogging for quite sometime now...they may already know what I have been through...last year. I never got the chance to tell what happened after those trying months so I thought maybe I can share to you what I did to overcome and survive the pain victoriously...

     My partner found another love (he is now denying it)....lets say he has gone astray...LOL.

what I did was...

1. First, I fought for my right as his partner (legally)

   but he refused it... he kept pushing me away...so for months I have been fighting a losing game...there is no winning unless he let me show my love. I almost commited suicide... good thing God is with me.

 

2. When I finally realized that I cant win my battle, I started loving myself!!!

    Hey! I should not focus everything on him! I should focus on myself. He wont make me happy? I will make myself happy.

    And that is what I did!!!

    I started making myself beautiful again! I worked out...went out...went to a lot of shopping sprees... indulged my every whim!

    I devoted all my efforts in making myself smile... and I was successful! I started forgetting about him...I even managed to not care even if he is physically with me. I was numbed to all his hurting ways!

    With my efforts to bring back my old self to life... people started to take notice and I happen to find somebody who became my ally. Everything changed after that. 

    I mustered all the courage in me and talked to him and tell him that I quit... told him the reason...BOOM! He was shocked!

    I cannot contain the happiness in me when I finally saw him hurting...I gave him a dose...just a little of his own medicine...

    AND IT HAPPENED SO FAST.

He dumped the girl... started courting me again... doesnt want me to leave his side and he won't leave unless I'm with him. LOL. He did everything to gain back my love.

    Now he felt sorry for what he has done... and makes sure that every passing day... I feel that I'm the queen of his life...the only queen!!!        

    as for the woman who thought she would win in her battle with me...I just happen to enjoy seeing the defeat in her eyes everytime I see her. I cannot help but smile everytime we cross each other's path. I always tell myself... and imply to her... SORRY but you have messed up with the wrong girl!!! You cannot  put a this good woman down... and you are way out of my league!!!

LOL 

    I love my life... though there is pain, there is also joy. 

       

I have never felt so alive except these past months... never have i imagined this the fulfillment of who i really am. The joy of seeing the children learning and enjoying. yearning for more even going out of their ways... just to hear what i have to say. God made me go through a lot... a heapful of pain, a river of tears even the tragedy of being betrayed but He showered me with so much blessings after sorrowful years. Now I am an artist moulding these young minds and soul Now I see what God moulded me to be... Here I share and live out my goals The epitome of how God wanted me. Cherish and make the best of what I have.. Share the knowledge and wisdom He has endowed me... After a day of tiring work... I thank Him for giving me this... I thank Him for guiding me towards this I thank Him for everything and I thank Him for making me a good TEACHER... an EDUCATOR by heart.

World is changing so fast, I wonder how we can keep up with its pace. Just the other day, I had to talk to my son on a heart to heart basis...that is if I can reach out to his inner thoughts and emotions. I thought I was successful but then just yesterday, I saw him doing what I have talked to him about again!! It may have infuriated me a bit, but then I realized he is not me!!! I cant make my son who belongs to generation X to act the way I was during my not so distant younger years.

These young people now are so much different from us! They learn, act, behave and see the world in a very different perspective. Their gadgets makes their world go round, not that its bad but it was as if their lives are centered to these technological advances that they are forgetting about the basic necessities in life. My son who is just 13 years old is one of those, tho' he isnt materialistic but still he lives in a world completely different from mine. I have realized that I cant just make my kids grow up according to my wishes...that they are interacting with people unique and different. 

As a lesson to me, I will try to see my son through my own point of view and through his own eyes and try to balance the situation, come up with decisions that will allow him to grow and be a better person. I love my kids so much but there are always restrictions in rearing up children. My love and care is not enough to help them become better persons because this changing world is a big factor in moulding the youth of today.    

Why is it that everytime you set your mind on something, a new challenge arise...

and usually it is determined to put you off the right track...

The more you get challeged, the harder the trials come...

after overcoming one, a new setback is there to face you.

 

But what is important is to straighten out your priorities...

and face tomorrow with a determined soul...

you got to believe in yourself and make those trials

look like mere lessons that make us all stronger.

 

As for those who cant accept the fact that there are people

who cant be belittled by their mockery and inhuman acts...

I just have one simple message for them...

"this girl is one woman you can never, ever defeat!"

 

Laugh your hearts out today, for tomorrow is mine to keep!!! 

 

the last leaf of the calendar was trashed;

who would have thought of what have passed?

who would imagine this woman will strive

to see the fresh new year, alive? 

 

I was blessed to have people around;

Unlikely friends that i have found...

Whatever means, they came to me;

telling, advising what I should be!

 

As the new year begins another cycle,

I look at the horizon for another battle;

With strength, courage, and love from friends

New year brings new life ahead!

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL...  

For all the pain that you have caused

my life was interrupted and paused

i just can't really forgive you

even a million sorry won't do

 

for all the bitterness you gave

fond memories you did not save

now to forget i cannot do

because a million sorry wont do

 

For all the lies and broken promises

the hollow hugs and empty kisses

i just can't all erase and let go!

cause even a million sorry won't do.

 

as you try to put things back

how if enthusiasm i now lack?

sorrow and pain just won't go

coz your million sorry won't do!

 

Despite your sincere efforts to show

that you still want our love to grow

should have done fortnights ago

cause now sorry really won't do!

 

Time indeed has affected our lives

the past struggled, the present thrives

what does the future have in store?

if your million sorry won't make you score? 

Drifting through memory trails

digging deep for all the details

convincing my mind that all is fine

i cannot fool this heart of mine!

 

The recent past keeps haunting me

Said he's changed, why can't I see?

my feelings can't be that insensitive

to someone I've chosen my life to give.

 

My poor heart may have stopped beating

for him cause he heeded not my pleadings

At night, tears never ceased to flow

as I feel the traitor he chose to show.

 

A raging storm of hate and bitterness

A brief calm after the fierceness

beyond the eye is the next turbulence

that my battered heart is to experience.

 

What has happened to us, my love?

Gone and wasted, all we had

Why can't I get the feelings back?

Can't I forget the pain and shock?

 

Alas! forgive my stubborness

Cause I really can't see happiness

You've drained my soul emotionally

Can't put things back so easily!

 

I prayed to God make me forget

But seems my heart and mind is set

in parting and letting ourselves go

separating to where our hearts lead us to.

 

Despite it all I'll love you still

Cherish the memories we've had, i will!

Time will heal the wounds we have

Perhaps give us another chance in love...   

marriage is not an assurance

that love will last forever

between man and woman.

 

Even a score of being together

is not enough to give us security

and make a relationship work.

 

only one thing is certain,

to make something last,

we must give it all our efforts to keep it

and preserve it!

 

Against all odds!

Come what may!

How ironic

for something that gives us ecstatic bliss

Is also the reason for us to grieve....

How can life be so cruel

to those learned to

love and share;

but has to feel such misery....

 

would years of madness; toil and sadness

make us numb

to feel the pain and stabbing wounds!

would tears relieve the bleeding heart &

heal sweet sorrow's incited marks!

 

Every bitter crying moment,

never happy, painful torment!

 

Tell me how to cope and handle,

man's piercing agony!

caused by God's commandment!

Love one another!!!

 

keeping the faith, willing to wait

for chance to set a joyful fate!

What if chance never came?

 

Change just won't let a broken heart

be healed from all its shattered parts

 

What is to happen?

What is to know?

What does destiny has to show?   

Time is passing so fast, my heart has this thundering beat, as I start to walk away from the car. The place was just a blur to me because of the thoughts that are relentlessly entering my mind. Thoughts that are so strong I can't seem to ignore!  All I have in mind to leave  and start a new life.

With nothing at hand, I started to face this new stage. No money, no clothes, no nothing just myself and my mobile phone in case I'll be needing help from my friends.

The car was left at the gas station, told him I want to be free and off I went to hide in case he arrives to get the car. I don't want to immediately leave because I want to make sure that the car is safe, so I waited for him to get it.

Lo and behold, there he was alighting from his mistress' car! Even leaving a kiss on her lips! Gosh! I didn't know how to react! Should I come out of my hiding place and confront the two of them or should I just remain there and compose myself? Well, I did the latter! No use confronting them, anyway, I don't feel the stabbing pain anymore because I have accepted the fact that they can't seperate from each other and that they have been continuing this affair even if he has been telling me that it is over. 

Yes, I no longer expect us to be happy again! It was as if every passing day, I fall out of love until eventually, I no longer love him! I don't feel the warmth of his love and I have been so dry, that there came a time that he actually asked me if I don't love him anymore! Hah! He noticed that? How come he never saw me hurting !?!

Anyway, when he left riding our car, which I left there waiting for him, I started feeling this odd thing. A sensation that I cannot explain! I have never felt like this before. I feel so light and happy, as if a very heavy load has been lifted. Then I realized that it was freedom!

I made myself think of the many things awaiting me. What are my plans? What will I do? How do I start? Where to? All of it contributed to the emotions that is engulfing my whole body and I enjoyed it.

Everything fell in their right places, all is set in my mind! Now I can move on. 

Goodbye to the sordid debacles, the unresolved bickerings, and of course to him!

Of course I have to leave my kids but I know they are very smart to understand the situation, and luckily they supported me.

As for my husband, he has been calling and leaving messages, telling me to come back and to give him another chance. Even crying his heart out to me and saying that he cannot live without me!

I'm sorry but its a little tooooo lateee!!!! I am fed up!

Hopefully, I can come back to be with my babies but for the moment, I have to set my life straight. Someday, somehow, I will and I promise them that!

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;