life is unfair...

for those who see the truth within...

but it isn't designed to make you falter...

but patterned to make you strong and continue the journey...

the scars are your trophies to remind and guide you as you struggle.

 

 

 

 

How I wish I can turn back time...to relive the fun and joys we shared... How I wish I can stop time...to keep the memories last a lifetime... But time is not for us to play...but time is there to tell the day... that we must keep them in our hearts and live the day without the rush. 

sigh....i have got to start focusing and write...play...play...play...i feel so dumb because I can't continue with my play...i know a poem...i know an essay...i know a short story but I just can't put my thoughts into writing a play...I have the conflict...i have the climax...but how to write it...how...how...how! creativity is one...intrigue I guess it has...but I cant picture my story in a play...huhuhu...so while i'm on it...I might as well update my blog...perhaps this will help release the creative juices of my head...LOL... hello bloggers!!!

It has been awhile...ages...since I last had a glimpse of this...the memories flowed and seeped in to my senses...ahh yes...the pain was still here...but I know that I made it through the toughest and most grueling torment. Now I am writing because I want to somehow thank the people here in this site who made me stronger during those times...I have never really have expressed the gratitude that I feel for these folks...thanks to them I may not be writing here today...if it wasn't for the words of encouragement they have pampered me with... Well this I hope will be the beginning of another chapter in my tblogging days...this time i will be on the other side... Thanks T_bloggers!!! with my utmost sincerity...

    i don't know exactly how to start this post... i have no idea how I would share the ideas that I have in mind... I am not sure if it will work but I might as well tell my tale...

    For those who have been t-blogging for quite sometime now...they may already know what I have been through...last year. I never got the chance to tell what happened after those trying months so I thought maybe I can share to you what I did to overcome and survive the pain victoriously...

     My partner found another love (he is now denying it)....lets say he has gone astray...LOL.

what I did was...

1. First, I fought for my right as his partner (legally)

   but he refused it... he kept pushing me away...so for months I have been fighting a losing game...there is no winning unless he let me show my love. I almost commited suicide... good thing God is with me.

 

2. When I finally realized that I cant win my battle, I started loving myself!!!

    Hey! I should not focus everything on him! I should focus on myself. He wont make me happy? I will make myself happy.

    And that is what I did!!!

    I started making myself beautiful again! I worked out...went out...went to a lot of shopping sprees... indulged my every whim!

    I devoted all my efforts in making myself smile... and I was successful! I started forgetting about him...I even managed to not care even if he is physically with me. I was numbed to all his hurting ways!

    With my efforts to bring back my old self to life... people started to take notice and I happen to find somebody who became my ally. Everything changed after that. 

    I mustered all the courage in me and talked to him and tell him that I quit... told him the reason...BOOM! He was shocked!

    I cannot contain the happiness in me when I finally saw him hurting...I gave him a dose...just a little of his own medicine...

    AND IT HAPPENED SO FAST.

He dumped the girl... started courting me again... doesnt want me to leave his side and he won't leave unless I'm with him. LOL. He did everything to gain back my love.

    Now he felt sorry for what he has done... and makes sure that every passing day... I feel that I'm the queen of his life...the only queen!!!        

    as for the woman who thought she would win in her battle with me...I just happen to enjoy seeing the defeat in her eyes everytime I see her. I cannot help but smile everytime we cross each other's path. I always tell myself... and imply to her... SORRY but you have messed up with the wrong girl!!! You cannot  put a this good woman down... and you are way out of my league!!!

LOL 

    I love my life... though there is pain, there is also joy. 

       

I have never felt so alive except these past months... never have i imagined this the fulfillment of who i really am. The joy of seeing the children learning and enjoying. yearning for more even going out of their ways... just to hear what i have to say. God made me go through a lot... a heapful of pain, a river of tears even the tragedy of being betrayed but He showered me with so much blessings after sorrowful years. Now I am an artist moulding these young minds and soul Now I see what God moulded me to be... Here I share and live out my goals The epitome of how God wanted me. Cherish and make the best of what I have.. Share the knowledge and wisdom He has endowed me... After a day of tiring work... I thank Him for giving me this... I thank Him for guiding me towards this I thank Him for everything and I thank Him for making me a good TEACHER... an EDUCATOR by heart.

World is changing so fast, I wonder how we can keep up with its pace. Just the other day, I had to talk to my son on a heart to heart basis...that is if I can reach out to his inner thoughts and emotions. I thought I was successful but then just yesterday, I saw him doing what I have talked to him about again!! It may have infuriated me a bit, but then I realized he is not me!!! I cant make my son who belongs to generation X to act the way I was during my not so distant younger years.

These young people now are so much different from us! They learn, act, behave and see the world in a very different perspective. Their gadgets makes their world go round, not that its bad but it was as if their lives are centered to these technological advances that they are forgetting about the basic necessities in life. My son who is just 13 years old is one of those, tho' he isnt materialistic but still he lives in a world completely different from mine. I have realized that I cant just make my kids grow up according to my wishes...that they are interacting with people unique and different. 

As a lesson to me, I will try to see my son through my own point of view and through his own eyes and try to balance the situation, come up with decisions that will allow him to grow and be a better person. I love my kids so much but there are always restrictions in rearing up children. My love and care is not enough to help them become better persons because this changing world is a big factor in moulding the youth of today.    

Why is it that everytime you set your mind on something, a new challenge arise...

and usually it is determined to put you off the right track...

The more you get challeged, the harder the trials come...

after overcoming one, a new setback is there to face you.

 

But what is important is to straighten out your priorities...

and face tomorrow with a determined soul...

you got to believe in yourself and make those trials

look like mere lessons that make us all stronger.

 

As for those who cant accept the fact that there are people

who cant be belittled by their mockery and inhuman acts...

I just have one simple message for them...

"this girl is one woman you can never, ever defeat!"

 

Laugh your hearts out today, for tomorrow is mine to keep!!! 

 

the last leaf of the calendar was trashed;

who would have thought of what have passed?

who would imagine this woman will strive

to see the fresh new year, alive? 

 

I was blessed to have people around;

Unlikely friends that i have found...

Whatever means, they came to me;

telling, advising what I should be!

 

As the new year begins another cycle,

I look at the horizon for another battle;

With strength, courage, and love from friends

New year brings new life ahead!

 

HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL...  

For all the pain that you have caused

my life was interrupted and paused

i just can't really forgive you

even a million sorry won't do

 

for all the bitterness you gave

fond memories you did not save

now to forget i cannot do

because a million sorry wont do

 

For all the lies and broken promises

the hollow hugs and empty kisses

i just can't all erase and let go!

cause even a million sorry won't do.

 

as you try to put things back

how if enthusiasm i now lack?

sorrow and pain just won't go

coz your million sorry won't do!

 

Despite your sincere efforts to show

that you still want our love to grow

should have done fortnights ago

cause now sorry really won't do!

 

Time indeed has affected our lives

the past struggled, the present thrives

what does the future have in store?

if your million sorry won't make you score?